A question for my fellow bloggers – do you ever find, when blogging, that you get paralysed by your own thought processes? Like you can’t post anything because everything you write is way too introspective and not interesting enough and who on earth wants to read that, and anyway shouldn’t you be writing about that other stuff that’s way more compelling and means much more to you?.. only you don’t feel comfortable sharing that stuff so ‘argh’ and ‘bleurgh’ and ‘what should I do?!’
Do you get like that?
I’m there at the moment – what’s in my head is not translating to words on the screen. Or not words I have confidence in, anyway. There is so much more I could share on my blog than I do, and so much of it is the interesting stuff, the different stuff, the more controversial or opinionated stuff. Or just simply the real stuff. But I don’t feel comfortable sharing it and I struggle with that feeling because it would make for a much more interesting conversation with my readers. It’s just that it’s a conversation I’m not sure I’m up to having in the wide open space of the world wide web.
At times I’ve thrown caution to the wind and written something very honest or personal, and have been rewarded with a surge in my blog stats and many lovely comments and stimulating conversations. But I struggle to keep it up. Putting myself out there like that puts me on edge. I can do it from time to time (usually when the emotion explodes and the words come bursting out,) but not on a weekly basis. Not even on a monthly basis.
And it’s ended up making me doubt the point of this little blog. It takes me a ridiculous length of time to write a post so if I’m not going to share anything of great depth, how can I justify the time it takes away from my other creative pursuits? I could have spent this evening cracking on with the next section of my illustration course but instead I’m writing this, then I’ll write the linky post for #WhatImWriting tomorrow. The evening will vanish, as will tomorrow evening on commenting.
As I’ve been mulling this over today, bubbling away simultaneously has been the question ‘What if Trump wins the election?! WHAT IF THAT NARCISSIST BECOMES PRESIDENT?!! ‘ Actually my brain is kind of freaking out over that one! Did anyone see the debate last night? Just horrifying. Part of me thinks that’s what I should be writing about. Another part of me thinks ‘what can I say that hasn’t already been said much better by someone else?’ and ‘that rant isn’t for here’… and then the words die before they reach the tips of my fingers.
All this pondering and introspection means this is the third post I’ve written today. I don’t like any of them and I don’t want to publish any of them (and, incidentally, none of them are the Trump rant). Maybe it’s bloggers block, characterised by self-doubt, squirming embarrassment at my own words and an inability to hit the publish button.
So I guess I just tackle it head on like I would writer’s block, don’t I? Force the words, squash the doubt and publish the post?